Letters to Kate
*Dear Kate,
I heard your story and my heart broke for you and your family. Then I was angry, still am. When you should be mourning the loss of your child and the dreams you had for them you have somehow found the strength to stand up for all women. Over thirty years ago I was in your shoes but the path to my abortions was legally much easier. The emotional journey will always be difficult but it is a decision made from love and compassion. Most people cannot comprehend that, they walk through life believing that all pregnancies are easy and end with viable babies and that life is black and white. You and I and the thousands of women like us know better.
Someone once said to me that “it’s a choice that is really not a choice”. The only choice I really had was the date my son and my daughter died. You deserve the same choice.
I am so deeply sorry that you are facing the loss of your very wanted child. There are a multitude of unseen people standing behind you and watching with respect as you fight for your right to make the choice to spare your child suffering.
Love, Marketia Rhodes Patterson
*Dear Kate,
As a mother who has been in similar shoes to you, Kate I 200% stand with you. I am so so sorry that these law makers deny your humanity, your parenthood and your love for you baby. This is just so outrageous. I am so sorry these people seem to think they know better, when it comes to you and your babies life, health and suffering. I don't know how they sleep at night. I can clearly see the love you have for your baby, your health and your family through all this. I know so many women who have had to make this devastating 'decision' - one that should only be between you, your partner and your doctor and no one else! You are not alone. Your life matters. Thank you for making a stand. I cannot imagine how traumatising this must be for you. Sending you so much love.
Love, Anna
Dear Kate,
I am so very sorry that your sweet girl is so sick. You have made a kind and loving choice, and I am heartbroken over the cruelty of your home state, especially when you have already endured so much. I also want to thank you for shining a light on terminating for medical reasons. Earlier this year, my unborn daughter was similarly diagnosed with Trisomy 13. Like you, I have two living children both born via c-section. So I made the same choice as you, to spare all involved for a shot at a subsequent healthy pregnancy. I got lucky: I could legally obtain an abortion and I am now 20+ weeks pregnant with a chromosomally normal and healthy baby girl. I find myself thinking about your story so often and hoping, desperately, that you will be able to access the healthcare you need and have a similarly positive outcome. Words can't express how unbelievably brave I think you are. From one mother to another, I am rooting for you.
Catherine Bulka
Dear Kate,
I was so heartbroken and angry on your behalf, reading about your story. When I terminated a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons last year, I took some comfort in the privilege of living in a state where I could get medical care down the street from my house, recognizing that others don't have that privilege. You are so brave for going public with your story to fight for this basic right for yourself and others in similar situations. You deserve to get the medical care you need quickly and close to home. These situations are devastating enough without adding insult to injury by being forced to leave the state. Please know that you're not alone, and that so many people who have faced similar situations are are here to support you. Thank you for fighting for all of our rights.
~ Anonymous
*Dear Kate,
Thank you for proving this system is Broken and anything but “pro-life”. We are all proud of you. I traveled across the country as well to terminate my non-viable pregnancy. You deserve compassionate healthcare. You deserve better. Good luck and praying for your fast recovery.
~Love, Nicole
Dear Kate,
How the state of Texas has been treating you just for trying to seek the healthcare you need has been cruel. At the same time, I know this wasn't a decision you came to lightly. I just want you to know you have my full support all the way in Maryland. You know better than politicians what's best for you and your family. I wish you nothing but peace and good health this holiday season.
Regards,
Laura L.
Dear Kate,
As a mother who has also made the most heartbreaking choice one can make, I am with you. As a mother who also had to travel out of state to end a wanted pregnancy, I am with you. I am in awe of your bravery. And I’m so sorry for this fucked up system that requires someone as brave as you to draw attention to it. Keeping you and your baby in my heart during this unimaginable time.
Love, Anonymous
Dear Kate,
I lost a very much wanted third pregnancy to an abnormality. You are not alone, and I am so glad you’re taking care of your health and your family. I send you nothing but love. Hands on your back.
Love, Anonymous
Dear Kate,
I am so sorry you have to carry the weight of the world while also defending the oh so loving choice you are making of TFMR , you are not alone thank you for fighting for us.
Love, Delilah
Kate,
This is inhumane and not fair. We are all sending you so much love. You’re already the best mom, fighting to the ends of the earth for physical and mental health.
Love, Abbe
Dear Kate,
Thank you for your strength and your bravery. I’m so sorry for your loss. x
Love, Kate
Dear Kate,
You are a True Texan, the kind my Mammaw taught me about. The one we’ve taught our children and grandchildren about. The kind that care deeply about life, and love, and doing what’s right, to the best of your ability.
Love, Mimi and Billy (12 grandchildren)
Dear Kate,
This grandma supports you, prays for you, admires you and on behalf of my daughters and granddaughters, THANKS you. Your story will empower the women of Texas to get rid of the men trying to make your medical decisions. Wishing you peace.
Love, Linda
Dear Kate,
Your strength is beyond measure. You have given a voice to so many women who have come before you and will unfortunately come after you. I am only 10 weeks postpartum from my TFMR and it’s enough time that some days I feel like it couldn’t have happened and that maybe it was just a bad dream, but reading your story has brought up all the rawness and pain that is my reality. I am so sorry for all you have gone thru and that the road ahead will be a difficult one, but there is no doubt it my mind that you will find your way to healing. Things that have helped me: focusing on the simple moments with my kids, telling my story to anyone who I knew would listen and have the capacity to provide support, and making space and time to grieve. You are not alone and you have made such an impact on so many.
Sending you love, Katie
Dear Kate,
I'm in awe of your courage. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Thank you for your lawsuit. I am also pregnant with a third. My husband and I worried so much about what our options would be if we recieved a fatal diagnosis. I easily could be you. A good friend had to TFMR this year and another delivered a baby who lived an hour. It was horrible. Noone talks about this. It feels like our country does not care about mothers at all. I donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights today in honor of you. Please take care of yourself.
Love, Kathleen
Dear Kate -
I cannot find words to tell you how sorry I am for what you are going through. Nothing we say will be enough. Thank you for using your voice, and my thoughts are with you and your family.
Thank you, Angela
*Dear Kate,
You are a warrior. But you shouldn’t have to be. Right now, facing the loss of your daughter, you should “just” have to be a mother grieving her baby.
Five years ago this week, I was in your shoes: confronting the loss of my very wanted baby girl, with no good outcome in front of me. Wrestling with a decision no mother ever wants to face when my water broke weeks before viability. For days, I begged my body to make the choice for me so I wouldn’t have to make it myself. But now, how grateful I am that I was offered a choice.
I’m so sorry you weren’t offered the same choice, at home in your own community. I remember thinking in that hospital five years ago that if I hadn’t been able to choose abortion and spare my daughter pain and suffering – if I had been forced to carry her until she was born and suffocated to death – I would have walked out of the hospital and burned the entire world to the ground.
Kate, I hope you are able to get your abortion and to say goodbye to your daughter in the way YOU choose. And if or when you are ready, there are tens of thousands of us fierce, grieving TFMR moms and parents ready to burn this cruel system down with you. Hell hath no fury like a grieving mother.
Love and solidarity, Sarah
Dear Kate,
My best friend lost her baby in the same way, years ago, and at the time I didn’t think anyone could experience anything more painful. What I’ve learned over and over since then is that there is no limit to the cruelty and control people will attempt to exert over women’s bodies, and it continues to happen because women are more scared of the consequences of speaking out than they are of losing their rights. May the strength you have demonstrated in the face of injustice serve as a beacon of fearlessness for women everywhere.
Love, Lauren
Dear Kate,
you are brave in ways I can only hope my son and daughter will be.
Love, Liz
Dear Kate,
Our hearts are with you, and our rage and our dollars will fight for you. Your baby will leave a legacy for the future and your courage will be remembered. We are with you - we will fight for you.
Michelle Calkins
Dear Kate,
We are here with and for you. Your baby has the strongest and best mother—the kind that fights for their well-being. I’m so sorry these politicians don’t see that.
Love, Megan
Dear Kate -
You are all of us. We’re with you.
Love, Anna
Dear Kate,
I’m sorry the system has failed you. Please know I am fighting for you and every other woman who deserves control of her own body. You and your family are in my thoughts during this traumatic time and I hope you are able to heal in peace.
Love, Megan
Dear Kate,
I am so sorry you are living through the unimaginable pain of having a sick baby who will not make it earth side. I have been where you are and I am in awe of the bravery you have shown. I am so sorry you are having to travel to receive the care you need, it is such salt in an already gaping wound that I know all too well. Your life is important, your health is important, and you make me proud to be a woman. Thank you for being so brave and for standing up for our rights during what is likely the hardest moment of your life so far. I stand with you as you face the unimaginable, and I am sending you, your baby, and your family all of my love.
Love, Anonymous
Dear Kate,
I wish I could say that I watched your story from afar and for the first time, learned about the painful decisions one might make in pregnancy. Sadly, I’ve been in your shoes twice in terms of the medical piece. Thank you for your bravery to come forward and all you endured by doing so. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to get the care you and your baby deserved by the physician you trust. I’m so sorry that Ken Paxton couldn’t just be a human and leave things alone. I know that the hardest part comes now—you have said goodbye and now you carry this burden of pain. You carry it so your child never needed to experience a single moment of it. Please know there are so many of us who carry this with us and we are here for you in sisterhood.
Love,
Julie Bindeman
Dear Kate - Thank you for reminding the world abortion IS necessary medical care. Thank you for speaking up for the thousands of women that need the same type of care yet are dismissed, ignored, and lives and wellbeing are therefore threatened.
Emily
Kate -
You are not alone sis and I’m so sorry for all you have to do endure. Praying for you and wishing you all the best. We stand with you ❤️ thank you~
Love, Meg
Dear Kate,
Thank you and I’m sorry that your personal trauma and struggle for compassionate care has become public. We are learning from you and sending all love to you and your family.
~Love, Dana
*Dear Kate-
We stand with you. Our daughters thank you for fighting for the right to choose. You are a hero.
~Love, Stacey
Dear Kate,
Thank you for your strength and grace. I am so sorry these lawmakers have failed you and your child. I went through this in Texas and luckily was able to TFMR in a different state. You’re fighting is fighting for so many women. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Love, Annie
Dear Kate,
I am so sorry for your loss and that you've been further traumatised by inhumane legislation and lawmakers who only care about suffering when it furthers their agendas. Sending care & compassion from New Zealand.
- Jenn
Dear Kate,
We are with you and your family.
Love, Liz
Dear Kate,
Your story has rocked me. I had my TFMR abortion legally 3 years ago and went on to grow my family as I had dreamed of doing. Thank you for what you are doing, I will be telling both of my daughters (when they are a bit older) of your bravery in the face of a horrifically traumatic and unexpected situation. I think to myself about once a day that my only "choice" was when and how my baby would die and how much suffering he would endure before he did. I wish you weren't in this situation but given that you are you've made an incredible sacrifice to make our lives and our rights visible to the public while they debate whether we have human rights. I know several people who petitioned to get issues on the ballot singlehandedly in reaction to your case, even in the face of potential death threats. What you have done is powerful. What you have done is meaningful. I hope you get the peace and healing and space everyone needs who goes through this incredibly horrible experience. Thank you.
Love, Hannah
Dear Kate,
Thank you. For your courage. For your compassion toward your unborn child. For your sacrifices. For your willingness to fight when I’m certain all your mama heart wants to do is sit in your grief.
In February I was around 25 weeks pregnant when we discovered our daughter suffered from multiple anomalies. Week after week, every ultrasound brought worse news. On March 21, I had a c-section at 32 weeks after spending a week in the hospital. Brynn’s condition was much worse than anyone predicted, and after 1.5 days of horrific suffering, we made the agonizing decision to take her off the ventilator. The first and only time I held my daughter was in her last moments. It was an experience nobody should be forced to endure.
We have since discovered my husband and I are both carriers for a genetic mutation that will, in our cases, always be fatal. Learning there is a 25% chance any future child of ours would die was one more layer added to our grief.
Losing my daughter has changed me in more ways than I can count, and I’m so sorry you’ll be in the heartbreaking position to know exactly what that feels like.
I’m also sorry you and your family have had to live through this nightmare publicly. I can only imagine how much more difficult that has made your lives.
So, I want you to know I deeply appreciate your willingness to shoulder not only your own pain, but to also carry the burden of fighting for others who could/will be in your shoes. You are absolutely not alone. From the bottom of my broken mama heart to yours, I am sending you so much love.
~Caitlin
P.S. Please give yourself grace in these days and weeks while you navigate your new reality. It’s not always easy to remember how strong you are when all you feel is broken.
Dear Kate,
I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy at 24 weeks due to a fatal genetic condition. I know how much you love the baby you can’t bring into this world. I’m so sorry that in addition to the indescribable anguish of your grief and trauma, you’re also facing the cruelty of those who challenge that love. Thank you for standing up for all parents who have had to make this incredibly painful decision. My rage at those who have interfered with your care is coupled with my profound respect for your efforts to stand up for yourself, your family, and all of us who have walked this painful path. We’ll keep fighting alongside you.
Sarah
Dear Kate,
Thank you for standing up for our rights. You are so brave when you shouldn’t have to be. Shame on Texas lawmakers, and thank you for standing up for what’s right.
Love, Jami
*Dear Kate,
Thank you for fighting for all of us. You are, tragically, a hero. Every woman watching is better for your bravery. May your family find the peace and happiness you so richly deserve.
Love, Danielle
Dear Kate,
I'm just so sorry for what you have faced in the midst of the most awful grief. We had a termination for our adored and longed for daughter, Eva, in January 2022 when we learned her heart was not compatible with life. The TFMR community is so kind and loving and you'll never be alone amongst families who know this unique pain across the world. I just wish that you didn't have to fight so hard and so bravely for the right to protect your baby from suffering. It is a supreme act of kindness and parenting, but one that those who have not been faced with such an impossible decision can struggle to understand. Sending you so much love from the UK.
H x
Dear Kate,
Your bravery and openness are inspiring and necessary. You didn’t sign up for this, ever or anywhere, but you are doing it. We appreciate you and absolutely know you’re doing the best things for yourself and your family.
Love, Susan
*Kate,
You are a true hero. Your courage and selflessness are immeasurable. I received the same diagnosis this past May and it was absolutely devastating. I am in awe of your strength to fight against the unjust laws in Texas while also navigating your own grief and trauma. I used to live in Texas, and if I still did, I do not think I could been strong enough myself. You are making such a difference to so many women across the country and the world. I am sorry for your loss, of your daughter as well as all the secondary losses that come with it. I am sorry you will not get to hold your baby in your arms; although I know she will be in your heart forever. I am sorry you had to seek healthcare away from home, without the comfort of your safe space. My husband and I are praying for you as you navigate this devastating season and we hope you know that we admire you and will always remember your willingness to fight for women everywhere.
With Love and Admiration,
Melissa
Dear Kate,
From one Kate to another, I am so sorry that you are in this situation. The truth is that until someone has been in your shoes, they cannot say what they would do. I had a baby with trisomy 18, and I made the compassionate choice to end her life. My situation was very complex, as it was a twin pregnancy, and continuing the pregnancy with both babies put my chromosomally typical baby at risk. I am grateful every day that I had access to this health care, and I appreciate you from afar for your fight to access it too. For all the women and families faced with this difficult decision, thank you. I see you and I am on your side. Sending so much love from Canada.
Kate
Dear Kate,
I am so sorry you are living through the unimaginable pain of having a sick baby who will not make it earth side. I have been where you are and I am in awe of the bravery you have shown. I am so sorry you are having to travel to receive the care you need, it is such salt in an already gaping wound that I know all too well. Your life is important, your health is important, and you make me proud to be a woman. Thank you for being so brave and for standing up for our rights during what is likely the hardest moment of your life so far. I stand with you as you face the unimaginable, and I am sending you, your baby, and your family all of my love.
Love, Maggie
Dear Kate,
I have been there…literally. I had to leave my state for a TFMR last spring for a very wanted son/grandson/brother. Thank you for standing up in your time of immense grief to bring attention to our inhumane treatment of birthing persons.
Love, Emily
Dear Kate,
We see you; we honor your grief and your pain. We share your frustration and struggle. We see you; this will not be forgotten.
Warm regards, Frances
*Dear Kate,
From one mom to another: I'm so sorry for your impending loss, and even more sorry that you have to fight injustice at the time of your family's tragedy and crisis. Thank you for finding the strength to fight for us all at a time like this. You are mother of all mothers. Please feel yourself held in the collective embrace of millions and millions of women who have walked some form of this path before you, and know the impact you are making for all who will come after.
Love,
Kate Carson (fellow TFMR mom and admin at Ending a Wanted Pregnancy Support Group)
Dear Kate, I have started this letter so many times. I am struggling to find words that don’t sound empty or generic. Your strength, in having to go public in such painful, tender, heart wrenching time is awe inspiring yet heartbreaking. Your termination is life giving-all your baby knows is love and will be free of pain. The thousands that suffered in silence are standing behind you.
Love, Ashley
Dear Kate, We understand. We have been in your shoes. Thank you for fighting this uphill battle for all of us. You suffered so that your baby and family wouldn’t have to. We understand.
Love, G
Dear Kate,
We stand behind you 100%! We will fight to ensure this ends! Your body your choice! TMFR is not abortion rather an act of love that must be taken to ensure baby endures no pain. I stand with you and know how difficult and devastating this choice was to make.
Anonymous
*Dear Kate,
From one mom to another: I'm so sorry for your impending loss, and even more sorry that you have to fight injustice at the time of your family's tragedy and crisis. Thank you for finding the strength to fight for us all at a time like this. You are mother of all mothers. Please feel yourself held in the collective embrace of millions and millions of women who have walked some form of this path before you, and know the impact you are making for all who will come after.
Love,
Kate Carson (fellow TFMR mom and admin at Ending a Wanted Pregnancy Support Group)
*Dear Brittany and Kate,
While I’m certain you both did not anticipate a national spotlight, please know there are legions of mothers, grandmothers, young women & families standing with you & behind you. We are galvanized & stronger together! Thank you for fighting young women & girls throughout the country.
Karen
*Dear Kate & Brittany,
In a perfect world, stories like yours would not be necessary. There would be no ‘debate’ about women’s bodily autonomy...but here we are. Billie Eilish sings, “The internet’s gone wild watching movie stars on trial/while they’re overturning Roe v. Wade.” I hope there is a tiny ounce of solace for you, some sliver of a silver lining, in that your stories are indeed capturing the attention of the general public. And that perhaps, due to your bravery, Billie’s lyrics will soon be a remnant of the past.
I will not stop speaking out and fighting,
Jeremy
Kate,
I am you. I know the hell you’re living through - the worst possible thing happened to you before you ended up in court.
Thank you for your bravery in speaking out and drawing attention to the horrific things happening in this country. Thank you for fighting. I hope you are able to take a moment and grieve your baby girl now.
We will keep fighting and be here when you’re ready to join us again.
In Solidarity, Kristi