Abortion Rights Ken

originally published on Movement for Choice

I always find introductions awkward - but I should probably provide a brief one: my name is Jeremy and I live on the South Coast of Massachusetts (no, not quite Cape Cod). I'm 42, so I guess that makes me middle aged. Here’s a few other things you should know about me: 

1. I’m a former college tennis coach (both women & men); 

2. I now work in the private sector as a 9 to 5-er (more like 430, but whatever); 

3. And much to my parents' chagrin I’m single without children. (Sorry Mom & Dad)

Kidding aside, the truth is those three things actually have quite a bit to do with why I’m writing in this space today. Coaching a team of young female athletes, during the lead up to, and the eventual election of, Trump, lit a fire in me. I realized that I could no longer sit on the sidelines while their rights were threatened (and, of course, eventually taken away). Now, given items 2 & 3 on the list above, I have both the time and energy to be a more active ally. Whether it’s incessant posting on social media* (which is how I connected with M4C & its co-founder Caroline in the first place), wearing my “Abortion Rights Ken” t-shirt or “Pro Choice” bracelet proudly, or joining local Women’s Marches, I’m becoming more and more active, and using my voice where I can.

While these outlets have allowed me to show up as an ally for the women in my life, I’ve come to realize that what is really needed from men in this moment is something more. Don't get me wrong: protests, donations and social media statements are an important element to allyship; but what this moment really calls for are difficult, often uncomfortable, conversations offline and not where you might expect them. I’m talking about honest conversations among men who might be “pro-choice” by name, but do not speak out, show up or do more to defend the rights of the women they love. Remaining a silent and passive ally is no longer acceptable when women are dying because of laws that male legislators have enacted around the country. Remaining a silent and passive ally is no longer acceptable for anyone who claims to love, or even respect, women.

In that regard, I honestly feel like a bit of a failure because I haven’t had enough of these difficult conversations. I get plenty of DMs on the ‘gram from guys who are obviously on the right side of things, but for a myriad of reasons too long to get into here, they rarely speak out publicly. So, that’s part of why I’m writing today - my guess is 90% (95%?) of the people reading this are women. I have a favor to ask you: send this to the men in your life. Let them know it’s okay to be vocal and get involved. Send them the book “Ejaculate Responsibly” by Gabrielle Blair. Actually, if invited to write again in this space, I’d love to throw it back to elementary school with a book report on it, and extrapolate a bit on this blog post. For now, I think I’ll just thank the M4C team for giving me this opportunity, and hope to be a more active part of this community moving forward. In return for this favor, I’ll pledge to have more uncomfortable conversations with the men in my life. It’s the very least I can do.

~Jeremy Howard

*sidenote: while some of my posts come from my own research and messaging, the majority comes pretty much directly from Jessica Valenti’s “Abortion Every Day” Substack. If you aren’t in on this, I’d urge you to look into it. It’s borderline priceless (and well worth the $5/month).