A Schedule for Motherhood
originally published on the blog notafictionalmum
Hi, I’m notafictionalmum.
I’m a perfectionist, a planner. I like to plan most aspects of my life, I would love to plan most aspects of someone else’s life if they would let me. They don’t. I’m an introverted extrovert. By that I mean I’m an absolute show off, but when it comes to actually talking about my private life, it’s more like, “oooh look over there, a dancing swan!”
So, I had a life plan:
1. Meet a sporty hunk, get married – check
2. Live in a semi-detached with garden front and rear – double check
3. Obtain a career that involves you needing a very expensive business bag – I’ve actually just handed my notice in, it’s currently for sale if anyone’s interested?
4. Have a baby before 30 – big negative
Initially, this situation had the potential to be salvageable. I’d factored in some potential ‘off piste’ time, ideally for holidays or house renovations. So, providing myself and Non Fictional Dad (NFD) just stuck to the sex schedule we could be back on track. But then:
· Negative
· Negative
· Negative
Five years, two womb scrapes, a miscarriage, £25,000 and half a head of hair later…we were no closer. Having taken the time to grieve for the life I thought I would have, I can reflect on the irony of it all:
You cannot plan your life. I’m sorry if I’m crushing dreams, but you just can’t. Granted, you can make some good decisions: green tea, sleep – all the boring stuff. I learnt a tough lesson. I realise now it was the best lesson, because I never would have become a mother to the most inspirational little boy whose start in life was anything less than planned.
People say, “Oh he’s so lucky to have you as his parents.”
Whilst a small, teeny-tiny part of me would absolutely love to bask in this angel Gabriel-type glory, I’m always quick to reply: “We’re the lucky ones, we needed him just as much as he needed us.”
Adoption isn’t an act of charity; this kid is an absolute legend and I’m privileged to have him in my life.
~notafictionalmum