Embracing my Childless Life
This essay was originally published on Naturally Unashamed
I have decided to embrace my childless life and accept the fact that I may never have children. Yep, you read that correctly, and no, I’m not taking it back. I said what I said. Sorry to my family and friends who are still holding out hope for future baby Byrd. But I can no longer put my happiness on hold for a baby that I may or may not have. I must learn to love my life exactly where I am today.
Now let me be very clear, this will not be a linear process. I still desire to be a mother… and I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. There will be days that I cry and long for what could have been or days where I’ll be triggered by a pregnancy announcement from a friend or family member. But I’m going to give myself grace in those moments and allow myself to feel all of those feelings. I just won’t stay in that place, and I won’t let those moments stop me from living my best life or experiencing the joy that can come from living a childless life. I am ready to rebuild myself from the ground up. Ready to step out of the darkness that is infertility and embrace my purpose and reason for being alive in this generation.
This is a journey I never thought I would embark on, I never thought I could even consider it, but here I am reclaiming my time and my life.
Now to some it may seem like a lack of faith, or that I’m giving up. And honestly, I can see how it may seem that way to you. But this ain’t that. This is me embracing my current reality and no longer allowing it to defeat me or hinder my life. I’m so done with that. You either get it or you don’t. But one thing I refuse to do, is ask permission to heal. Not gonna do it!
Maybe one day I’ll share the story of how my husband, and I came to be a childless couple, but I’m just not quite ready to type those words or share them with the world…
If you are reading this and are childless not by choice, or childless by circumstance, know that you are valuable, you are whole, and you have a great life. So, love it, live it fully, and be unashamed.
~Donsurae Byrd